i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
