Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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