I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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