my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
