omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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