like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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