ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
