She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
