i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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