i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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