oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Soap is not a condiment
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
