Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
