we have officially mastered the walk of shame
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
