SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
