I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
