She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
