He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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