the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
