I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
It's blow job season.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
