I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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