I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
