I wish I could punch you in the face.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
