There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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