that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
