She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize
