All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
