You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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