are you so shy because you have an std?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
