hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just want nice things and good sex
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
