I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
