Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
