please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
