We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
This is my life. Enjoy the view
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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