.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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