i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize
