i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
