No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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