Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
