So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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