im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
