she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
