stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
