So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Actions speak louder than pants.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
