WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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