How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
