Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Only a mothe r could love this liver
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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