there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
