Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Pants are for mortals
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
