If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
