I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
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