I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
