I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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